002. My mate's rejection
RAVEN
“ No. I did it for my sister,” I replied, silently closing my eyes.
I said “no” because it was not rape in the traditional sense, but in a way, he forced me.
The Alfa made me do it because although I went of my own free will to that room, I had begged him many times not to choose Verena.
I had fallen on my knees and begged him.
She had not even turned 18; she was still a minor, and my mother was going to die of her heart disease.
I even offered, in a moment of desperation, to be the Tribute myself, even if it meant a life of slavery, worse than death.
Still, he just looked at me with mockery and made this horrible proposal.
He told me that to be the Alpha King's bitch as his Tribute, I had better be his.
This had always been his goal from the first moment he set his obsessive and disgusting eyes on me.
The Alfa took advantage of my desperation.
“ You could have waited for me to come back; we could have found a solution; I could have asked the Alpha not to choose her! “ he began to accuse me.
“ It was easier to take the straightforward road, to spread your legs like a slu*t in front of the Alpha! You know the position this puts me in! I'll be the laughingstock of the pack!
“The easy way out! How dare you say it was easy for me? Do you even know what I've been through these days?! “ I shouted at him, sobbing.
“ I didn't know you would be back so soon, I asked everyone, and no one could tell me where to find you; they were taking her away tomorrow; if you had been here, I would never have fallen into the Alpha's trap!
“ So, it's my fault? That you behaved like a cheap whor* is now my fault?! “ He continued to insult me, spinning around like a caged animal.
“ So what was I going to do, let her be taken away as a slave to a tyrant, away from her pack and perhaps dead in a few months?
“Was I going to let my mother die of a heart attack?” I asked, wiping my face angrily.
“ Raven, sometimes I wondered if you were really so puritanical and noble or just an assh0le " I look at him blankly, and he just looks back at me in disgust.
“Only you are the one who thinks you live in a happy family. That's only here, in your childish mind of an abandoned orphan”
“ You are so lacking in affection, so eager to fit into your own “family” that no matter what I tell you, you have never realized that you are just a puppet of your mother, who only uses your lack of love, your unhealthy disposition to want to please her in everything, to feel that false affection she never felt for you.
“ You are an idiot to defend a sister who only despises and envies you; you are so pathetic. How could I fall in love with someone like you? “
I couldn't believe he was so cruel.
There was no trace of that affection in his eyes with which he used to look at me.
“ No, no, you're wrong, they're my family, they took me in when no one else wanted me”
“ I know you're upset, and I was wrong, but I swear I had my reasons. I know, for whatever it was, I fell into his trap, but we can get through this”
“ I'll do anything for you to forgive me. I'm in love with you. You don't know how much I prayed that you could help me, that you would be here, how desperate I was.” I stood up and walked pleadingly towards him, sobbing, trying to fix all the mess my decision had caused.
But Marco wouldn't even let me touch him.
He took a step back, avoiding me, and the way he looked at my body only made me shrink into myself, wanting to escape right then and there from the shame I felt.
“ Don't even think I'm going to pick up what someone else has already f*cked; I find it repulsive to even look at you.”
And a painful silence fell between us.
In my mind, I could only hear the agonizing cry of my she-wolf, wounded by her mate's rejection.
“ It's okay. I understand, and I have nothing to complain about. I was the wrong one, the one who let you down.You can dissolve our bond; even if it tears my heart, I will accept it. I will leave you free to live with whomever you want.”
“ I will bathe with strong-smelling leaves, and tomorrow, no one will know I wore the Alpha's scent; they won't say I was with him.No pack member needs to know that I'm your mate. I'll take that to my grave. No one will point a finger at you because of me,” I whisper in a low, trembling voice.
My whole body is shaking helplessly.
“ But I will know, and that will be enough. Every time I see the Alpha's face or yours, I will remember your betrayal. All the love I could have for you has turned to disgust and resentment, so don't ever appear in front of me again.”
“ If you see me, walk the other way, and if not, keep your head down because I don't want your filthy eyes looking at me ever again,” and he spat on the side of my bare feet.
I didn't raise my head to beg or ask him for anything; I just listened to him walk away and stood there like an idiot.
I didn't even cry anymore. I was shocked at so many things I had lost today and felt so guilty. All the “maybes” were running through my head.
Maybe if I had waited, if my family had agreed to run away like I had suggested, perhaps if I had not given in to the Alpha's blackmail, maybe if I had had loving parents from the beginning and not just been an exiled orphan and maybe, maybe... but this was the reality.
Now, I had to face my own choices.
*****
A hard slap landed on my already bruised face.
“ I don't know how I could trust an imbecile like you with something so important! “ my mother muttered hatefully.
I was ready for this; from the moment I set foot in the house, I knew she would be mad at me for not getting anywhere with the Alpha.
“ Mother, I did everything I could,” I replied, touching my red face with my head down.
I was always with my head down, always in submission, trying to fit in, please, and be liked.
“ You didn't do anything, and I should have imagined it; I don't know why I thought you would manage to save your sister when you were always jealous and envious of her!”
“ Now that they're taking her away, you must be happy? You got what you wanted, didn't you? “ She nudged me, and I lifted my head to look at her in disbelief.
“ How can you say that to me? You can't imagine what I had to do to save Verena, you can't imagine...” my voice broke as I tried to hold back the tears.
“ There you go again, St. Raven, save those pathetic tears that only convinced my dead husband. All you had to do was serve the Alpha well in his bed, and apparently, that's not even what you're good for, stupid!”
“ Did you know...? “ I step back into my tiny room and stare at her in disbelief.
All this time, I had kept the Alpha's harassment, which had started after my father died on that mission, inside me so as not to worry her because she has a weak heart.
But it turns out she did know, yet she kept sending me to beg this man and throwing me at him to save Verena.
“ Of course, I knew. What do you think? Am I a puritanical fool like you? Oh no, please don't look at me with that disappointed look.”
She speaks to me with sarcasm, and I look into the green eyes of the person I have called mother all my life and loved as such.
“ Sacrifice is when your husband brings an abandoned orphan into your home and tells you to raise her as your own daughter.
“ I have given you the size you have, food, a home, and a place in this pack, so whatever you have to do for this family, you do without question because it is your duty, your payment for our generosity.”
“ I know you did it wrong on purpose, but you're going to make it right, even if you have to sleep with the Alpha a thousand times; make sure they don't take my daughter tomorrow, or I'll make your life worse than hell, Raven, you understand?”
And she took a threatening step toward me, her wolf fangs almost out in anger.
“ If you fail to convince the Alpha, if they take my daughter, be prepared for the consequences, Raven. Be prepared! “ She looked me in the eyes, not hiding all the resentment she had held against me all this time.
“ So tomorrow you put on your best slu*tty clothes and go seduce the Alpha, get Verena out of the selection or never come back to this house again, do you hear me? Never come back!”
And she left my room the same way she came in, slamming the door with a loud bang.
“Raven, I can't take this humiliation anymore; let's get out of here; let's get out of this pack; nobody wants you here,” Sena moaned in my head.
The fact that her Alpha had rejected her had hurt her so much that she had become weak and could barely speak to me above a whisper.
She was not to blame, but she was also a victim of my decisions, losing her partner.
The bond had not yet dissolved, but we could already feel the pain of our mate not loving us.
“Where will we go? We have nowhere to go,” I began to cry again, curled up in a ball in my bed.
Like never before, my eyes were swollen from so many tears.
“We're going to be exiled; anyone could take us prisoner and enslave us, Sena. The world is scary, and I'm just a little she-wolf.”
“So what are you going to do, Raven? Are you going to give in again? Are you going to become the Alpha's mistress? Is that what you're going to do?”
She asked me, but I had no answer. I closed my eyes in pain, and the image of my father came to me.
He was so heroic and brave, such a loving and good father, and the only one who really loved me in this family.
Marco was right. I had always been so pitiful.
